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stephen! stephen!ç stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: folks, thank you so much. ( cheers ) ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much. let's get straight to it,ç3w . enormous news coming out of washington, d.c.-- ( cheers ) please, nation. we gotta do it. thank you so much. please,t( folks. we've got to get to the shocking news out of the obama administration that affects any american whñmakes phonexd calls. ( laughter ) so anyone over 25. for more, weu! watch a screen. >> theg# n.s.a. has been secrety spying on everyday americans for months. a new report says the n.s.a. is collecting phone records from millions of verizon wireless customers. >> the order was issued by the secret surveillance court and granted the government unlimited authority to collect data. >> stephen: yes, the national security agency is spying on our phone calls, and unlike during the bush administration, this time it's the obama administration. ( laughter ) ( applause ) yeah. this guy, he is always tryin
stephen! stephen!ç stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: folks, thank you so much. ( cheers ) ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much. let's get straight to it,ç3w . enormous news coming out of washington, d.c.-- ( cheers ) please, nation. we gotta do it. thank you so much. please,t( folks. we've got to get to the shocking news out of the obama administration that affects any american whñmakes phonexd calls. ( laughter ) so anyone over 25. for more, weu! watch a...
50
50
Oct 21, 2016
10/16
by
KCNC
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eye 50
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, stephen. >> stephen: are you sure? >> remember i was on that one time, and then i came on again and we argued about you not remembering the first time? >> stephen: no, sorry. >> and then we jousted? >> stephen: uhhhh... no. >> you still have a lance sticking >> stephen: that's always been there. >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! tonight stephen welcomes tiger woods, elijah wood and jorge ramos, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and, now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york ( cheers and applause ) ? >> stephen: hey! thank you, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) ? >> stephen: jon batiste, everybody! thank you so much! good to see you! ( piano riff ) hi, everybody! thank you so much! awfully nice. awfully nice. ( cheers and applause ) thank you so much. welcome to "the late show." i'm stephen colbert. everybody feeling all right? ( cheering ) >> stephen: thank you so much we have a trump hangover. we are all still recovering from last night's third and final debate, if there
, stephen. >> stephen: are you sure? >> remember i was on that one time, and then i came on again and we argued about you not remembering the first time? >> stephen: no, sorry. >> and then we jousted? >> stephen: uhhhh... no. >> you still have a lance sticking >> stephen: that's always been there. >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! tonight stephen welcomes tiger woods, elijah wood and jorge ramos, featuring jon...
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181
Mar 8, 2016
03/16
by
KCNC
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eye 181
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>> stephen: stephen (stephen singing) >> stephen: jackpot! jackpot! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: did anybody watch the big "downton abbey" finale last night? (cheers and applause) did you watch, jon? >> jon: no, i went to watch up (laughter) >> stephen: they're very similar. speaking of incredibly rich people we like to watch and don't know why, donald trump. marco rubio has being going hard after donald trump, even making fun of donald's small hands. and i didn't have a show on friday, so it's been four days since trump's response. but i don't care, this is what i do for a living, and there's no way i'm going to let an entire election go by without talking about this: >> he hit my hands. nobody has ever hit my hands. i have never heard of this. are they small hands? and he referred to my hands -- if they are small, something else must be small. i guarantee you there's no problem. i guarantee you. >> stephen: he guarantees you, if elected, he'll make sure the republicans are the party of -- (laughter) (applause) he'll make sure the republicans ar
>> stephen: stephen (stephen singing) >> stephen: jackpot! jackpot! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: did anybody watch the big "downton abbey" finale last night? (cheers and applause) did you watch, jon? >> jon: no, i went to watch up (laughter) >> stephen: they're very similar. speaking of incredibly rich people we like to watch and don't know why, donald trump. marco rubio has being going hard after donald trump, even making fun of donald's small...
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82
Mar 8, 2016
03/16
by
WFOR
tv
eye 82
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>> stephen: no, i was too scared. >> hey, steve? >> stephen: yeah, will? >> stephen: uh-huh. do you know that -- that dogs and cats can get married? >> stephen: yeah, but the cat is always the girl and the dog is always the boy. >> you know what else my cousin told me? >> stephen: your cousin alan? yeah, you know my cousin -- >> stephen: yeah, he's the one who got hair -- down there. (laughter) >> yeah. he's got five now. >> stephen: five! (laughter) >> yeah. >> stephen: he must be really strong. >> yeah. well, he told me -- >> stephen: what did he say? he3told me that ladies have to get completely naked to pee. >> stephen: what! (laughter) are they naked on that couch they have in their bathrooms? >> they gotta be. i mean, they must be. >> stephen: why it's in there, they're so tired from taking their clothes off to pee. (laughter) >> you know, um, you know, if you had to, you know, like if i was trapped under a car or something, my dad could lift a car. >> stephen: whoa! really? >> yeah. well, like a smart car. (laughter) >> stephen: that's strong. yeah. hey, did you know i
>> stephen: no, i was too scared. >> hey, steve? >> stephen: yeah, will? >> stephen: uh-huh. do you know that -- that dogs and cats can get married? >> stephen: yeah, but the cat is always the girl and the dog is always the boy. >> you know what else my cousin told me? >> stephen: your cousin alan? yeah, you know my cousin -- >> stephen: yeah, he's the one who got hair -- down there. (laughter) >> yeah. he's got five now. >> stephen:...
311
311
Jun 4, 2016
06/16
by
WUSA
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eye 311
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>> stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: oh, that's nice. oh, that's lovely. no, please. what are you going to do? what do you do? thank you very much. ( cheers and applause ) thank you, everybody. thank you very much. that's very nice of you. welcome to the "late show." i'm stephen colbert. i'm that name you have been chanting, just now. good mood. are you guys-- are you in a good mood tonight? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that's great. well, you know, that makes it hard, for me, right now, because i'm afraid-- and i like to come out here with good news, but i have heartbreaking news. ( audience reacts ) scientists have done their science stuff, and unfortunately they have discovered that dogs hate being hugged. bad scientists, bad! you made a mess, in here. here's how they figured it out. they looked at photos of dogs being hugged and they analyzed the photos for signs of stress or anxiety, like flattened ears or wide eyes, like this one. the mom is saying, "awww." the kid is saying, "yay!" and the dog is saying, "sweet death, take me now!" (
>> stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: oh, that's nice. oh, that's lovely. no, please. what are you going to do? what do you do? thank you very much. ( cheers and applause ) thank you, everybody. thank you very much. that's very nice of you. welcome to the "late show." i'm stephen colbert. i'm that name you have been chanting, just now. good mood. are you guys-- are you in a good mood tonight? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that's great. well, you know, that...
203
203
Dec 23, 2015
12/15
by
KPIX
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eye 203
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>> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much. you're very kind! >> stephen, stephen, stephen! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you very much, everybody. welcome to "the late show." thanks, everybody. you know, i'm so excited. i'm your host, stephen colbert. and tonight, whether or not you are aware of it, is a momentous occasion, because this is our 50th episode. ( cheers and applause ) that's nice, 50, of course, is the golden anniversary, so i bought everyone on my staff their very own gold bond medicated powder. ( laughter ) how you feeling, jon? >> jon: dry and refreshed! >> stephen: that means it's working. all right. 50 episodes. i can't believe we reached the big 5-0 in just ten weeks. to put that in perspective, it took "new year's rockin' eve" 50 years to reach 50 episodes. ( laughter ) that's a hell of a pace. of course, this is really about you and me, audience and host, 50 whole episodes together and after all that time, i got to say, there's still a spark. i can't believe-- i
>> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much. you're very kind! >> stephen, stephen, stephen! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you very much, everybody. welcome to "the late show." thanks, everybody. you know, i'm so excited. i'm your host, stephen colbert. and tonight, whether or not you are aware of it, is a momentous occasion, because this is our 50th episode. ( cheers and...
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165
Oct 21, 2016
10/16
by
KPHO
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eye 165
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. >> stephen: a lot of guests come through here. >> it was only a few months ago, stephen. >> stephen: mmm -- you stopped by to tell me how great it was to have me on the show. >> stephen: doesn't sound like me >> well, i don't think i want to say what that says about a host who can't remember his guests. >> stephen: i say, i would love for you to say what is says, >> something about a guest who isn't going to say what it says. >> say it! >> stephen: it says you're uncool. >> this is a vintage sweater. i challenge you to settle this like gentlemen! ? ? ( shouting ) (two months later) >> stephen: elijah, great to have you on the show. >> i've been here a couple times, stephen. >> stephen: are you sure? >> remember i was on that one time, and then i came on again and we argued about you not remembering the first time? >> stephen: no, sorry. >> and then we jousted? >> stephen: uhhhh... no. >> stephen: that's always been there. >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! tonight stephen welcomes tiger woods, elijah wood and jorge ramos, featuring jon batiste and "stay human."
. >> stephen: a lot of guests come through here. >> it was only a few months ago, stephen. >> stephen: mmm -- you stopped by to tell me how great it was to have me on the show. >> stephen: doesn't sound like me >> well, i don't think i want to say what that says about a host who can't remember his guests. >> stephen: i say, i would love for you to say what is says, >> something about a guest who isn't going to say what it says. >> say it! >>...
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32
Mar 5, 2016
03/16
by
WFOR
tv
eye 32
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>> jon: stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ( band playing "late show" theme ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! whoo! hey! welcome to "the late show!" ( cheers and applause ) hello, everybody! ( audience chanting stephen ) down here, up there, up there, right there, out there! thanks so much, everybody! welcome to "the late show!" thanks, jon, joe, grace, band. ( cheers and applause ) welcome to "the late show." i am your host, stephen colbert. folks, there is shocking news tonight-- i've got to get straight to the big celebrity feud everyone is talking about: donald trump versus the pope. did you hear about this? did you hear about this? this broke today. i am serious, i am not making this up. let me explain to you what happened, okay? ( laughter ) the pope is in mexico right now, where he was asked about donald trump's plan to build a border wall, and his holiness said: "a person who thinks only about building walls wherever they may be and not of building bridges is not christia
>> jon: stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ( band playing "late show" theme ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! whoo! hey! welcome to "the late show!" ( cheers and applause ) hello, everybody! ( audience chanting stephen ) down here, up there, up there, right there, out there! thanks so much, everybody! welcome to "the late show!" thanks, jon, joe, grace, band. ( cheers and applause ) welcome to "the late show." i...
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55
Feb 10, 2016
02/16
by
KMEG
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eye 55
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thank you, humans. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thanks, ladies and gentlemen. ( cheers and applause ) thank you very much. welcome to the show, everybody. thanks so much. thanks, everybody. qshwelcome to "the late show"." i'm your host, stephen colbert. it's mardi gras. that means fat tuesday, right? >> jon: that's right. >> stephen: or as it's known in america, tuesday. of course, mardi gras, the last day before the beginning of lent, so catholics like me have a religious obligation to eat and then drink and then plead for god's morsi on "my mouth feels like it's full of ash wednesday." now, jon, you're from new orleans, right? "nawleons," right? am i pronouncing that correctly? >> jon: you got to work on that one. >> stephen: what's the right way to say it? >> jon: new orleans. >> stephen: what do i need to know about mardi gras? what are some of the traditions down there that are real line. >> stephen: was the second line what you all were playing. give me a second line beat. what's a second line beat. >> jon: can yo
thank you, humans. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thanks, ladies and gentlemen. ( cheers and applause ) thank you very much. welcome to the show, everybody. thanks so much. thanks, everybody. qshwelcome to "the late show"." i'm your host, stephen colbert. it's mardi gras. that means fat tuesday, right? >> jon: that's right. >> stephen: or as it's known in america, tuesday. of course, mardi gras, the last day before the beginning of...
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28
Feb 19, 2016
02/16
by
WKMG
tv
eye 28
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>> jon: stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ( band playing "late show" theme ) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: hey, everybody! whoo! hey! welcome to "the late show"! hello, everybody! (audience chanting stephen) down here, up there, up there, right there, out there! thanks so much, everybody! welcome to "the late show"! (cheers and applause) welcome to "the late show." i am your host, stephen colbert. going to get the big celebrity feud everyone is talking about: donald trump versus the pope. and as america's foremost catholic, let me explain what happened. the pope is in mexico right now, where he was asked about donald trump's plan to build a border wall. and his holiness said, quote: "a person who thinks only about building walls wherever they may be and not of building bridges is not christian. this man is not christian if he (cheers and applause) then trump's okay because he has not said things like that. he has said exactly that. (laughter) okay. because trump wants to build a wall around thi
>> jon: stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ( band playing "late show" theme ) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: hey, everybody! whoo! hey! welcome to "the late show"! hello, everybody! (audience chanting stephen) down here, up there, up there, right there, out there! thanks so much, everybody! welcome to "the late show"! (cheers and applause) welcome to "the late show." i am your host, stephen colbert. going to get the big celebrity...
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396
May 27, 2016
05/16
by
KPIX
tv
eye 396
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. >> stephen: yeah? not only that, you know, is not the president of the united states the leader of the free world? >> stephen: well, your words. i am the free world, okay. >> stephen: well, you're rockin' the free world, that's for damn sure. >> we talked about that. >> stephen: yeah, we did talk about that. >> yeah, that was good. >> stephen: mm-hmm. i'm glad you understood me. >> stephen: i did. not in time to stop it for the show. but i tried to. >> that's fine. >> stephen: let's talk about the entire earth now. you have a new album of songs you recorded previously called "earth," but you've taken songs from the last 40 years of your career and rerecorded them but included earth sounds, like animals, city sounds -- >> yes. >> stephen: just pure nature. the sounds of earth. >> stephen: the sound of earth. >> us, too, with our little car horns in traffic. beep. got a duck, quack quack. (beeping) we're all here together. let's face it. >> stephen: again, this is why i love you. (laughter) we're all her
. >> stephen: yeah? not only that, you know, is not the president of the united states the leader of the free world? >> stephen: well, your words. i am the free world, okay. >> stephen: well, you're rockin' the free world, that's for damn sure. >> we talked about that. >> stephen: yeah, we did talk about that. >> yeah, that was good. >> stephen: mm-hmm. i'm glad you understood me. >> stephen: i did. not in time to stop it for the show. but i tried...
291
291
Jan 24, 2017
01/17
by
KYW
tv
eye 291
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she could be calling stephen saying, "stephen..." >> stephen: call me, megyn. >> and say -- >> stephen: one of the ways she could be like charlie rose is have an interesting technology. you always have devices on you. do you have any on you right now? >> i don't. i carry two iphone 6, one on at&t and one on verizon. >> stephen: do you endorse both of them? why do you have two of them? >> i like to look at one while talking on the other. i have the echo. alexa, you say, "alexa, what time is it?" or you say, "alexa, where's stephen?" and she says, "do you mean stephen colbert of cbs?" and you say, "yeah." or they might say, "what are stephen's favorite artists? who are they?" >> stephen: you have two cell phones. you could just call me and ask me those things, charlie rose. it sounds very lonely for one of the most eligible bachelors of 2017, charlie rose. >> you know what, lonely is something i've never known. >> stephen: really? >> i think you can be alone but not lonely. really, when i'm alone, i find it a joyful time. you know. >> stephen: when i-- >> i really do. but at the same tim
she could be calling stephen saying, "stephen..." >> stephen: call me, megyn. >> and say -- >> stephen: one of the ways she could be like charlie rose is have an interesting technology. you always have devices on you. do you have any on you right now? >> i don't. i carry two iphone 6, one on at&t and one on verizon. >> stephen: do you endorse both of them? why do you have two of them? >> i like to look at one while talking on the other. i have...
225
225
Jan 18, 2017
01/17
by
KYW
tv
eye 225
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! >> stephen: thanks, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) hey! thanks, everybody, please, have a seat. i am your host stephen colbert. yes i am, i checked my i.d. before i came out here. check your calendars. we are just three days away from donald trump's inauguration. >> audience: boo! >> stephen: and just two days away from all those time travelers coming back to stop him. or not. maybe he's going to be great. one thing we know is that he's going to do a lot of stuff... eventually, and i say "eventually" because here's what trump said to "the london time" i think when he was talking about his first executive orders: >> stephen: how do-- i don't understand. i don't understand. how is that confusing? how do you mix up signing with celebrating? "i'm sorry, i thought i was giving out an autograph. instead, i accidentally gave back the louisiana purchase." can somebody-- can can we? is that in the mail yet? so trump's not going to start until monday. he, apparently, thinks the president gets saturdays and sundays off. i
( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! >> stephen: thanks, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) hey! thanks, everybody, please, have a seat. i am your host stephen colbert. yes i am, i checked my i.d. before i came out here. check your calendars. we are just three days away from donald trump's inauguration. >> audience: boo! >> stephen: and just two days away from all those time travelers coming back to stop him. or not. maybe he's going to be great. one thing we know is...
141
141
Jan 6, 2018
01/18
by
KPIX
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eye 141
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>> audience: stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: hey, come on! no, you! >> audience: stephen! stephen! >> stephen: that's nice. welcome. welcome to "the late show." please have a seat, everybody. that's very nice. welcome to "the late show." i am your host, stephen colbert. listen to that, listen to that. that is a friday crowd right there ♪ it's friday, oh, oh, >> stephen: these people have come through storms. they have come through giving up on going to the gym after new year's. ( cheers and applause ). >> jon: yup, yup, ain't going. ain't going. >> stephen: anyway, t.g.i.f., in ways i have never meant before, because i wasn't sure we'd make it to the end of the week, given how the of week started with the thermonuclear tweet threats. all week long trump used his twitter feed to just lash out in every direction. so, what's up with grandpa cranky pants? apparently, it's because trump's infuriated that his legal team has been offering shifting timelines about when the russia investigation would end. ah, so frustrating. it's like the cable company. they
>> audience: stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: hey, come on! no, you! >> audience: stephen! stephen! >> stephen: that's nice. welcome. welcome to "the late show." please have a seat, everybody. that's very nice. welcome to "the late show." i am your host, stephen colbert. listen to that, listen to that. that is a friday crowd right there ♪ it's friday, oh, oh, >> stephen: these people have come through storms. they have come...
230
230
May 20, 2011
05/11
by
COM
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eye 230
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stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much. welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. folks, folks, thank you, please. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you, folks. i've got to tell you, that adulation is like a surging wave of warm carmel. (laughter) >> stephen: folks, folks, let's get right to it everybody in the blamestream media copyright, is saying that newt gingrich is on the ropes. >> former aide to newt gingrich says his came nindes quote adult supervision and close to being functionally over. >> it such a bad week for him. some are saying his campaign is already over. >> he didn't have a big chance from the beginning but now it's over. >> stephen: wrong you parasites! this good man will rise like the sour doe he appears to be made of. (laughter) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: newt's out just because he went on "meet the press" and called the republican medicare plan right wing social engineering which then caused 13 of 18 co-chai
stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much. welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. folks, folks, thank you, please. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you, folks. i've got to tell you, that adulation is like a surging wave of warm carmel. (laughter) >> stephen: folks, folks, let's get right to it everybody in the blamestream media copyright, is saying that newt gingrich is on...
0
0.0
Dec 8, 2022
12/22
by
KPIX
tv
eye 0
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>> stephen: apples or oranges. >> oranges. >> stephen: okay. >> why, why is that wrong. >> stephen: it's not wrong. >> but why is it like that, because apple, i'm supposed to go with apple. >> stephen: you don't have to go with anything. >> apples are great, i like apples. >> stephen: i just learned something about you when you said orange. >> i have a tangerine or an orange trk wouldn't be one thing, i probably would do a-- i mix, i tend to put things together, treat it as dessert. >> stephen: that is why are you exciting because are you up for whatever. >> well, not really. >> stephen: not apples. >> actually i'm very boring and awful. >> stephen: you don't seem it. >> that is because i am here with you, darling. i'm trying to just, stay somewhere within the vicinity of where you are. >> stephen: welcome. welcome to the vicinity. >> than, why have you not gone to another planet yet? >> stephen: give me a ticket, i will go. >> we got to ask some of our other friends for that. >> stephen: what do you think happens when we die? >> what do you think happens. >> stephen: i'm asking the ques
>> stephen: apples or oranges. >> oranges. >> stephen: okay. >> why, why is that wrong. >> stephen: it's not wrong. >> but why is it like that, because apple, i'm supposed to go with apple. >> stephen: you don't have to go with anything. >> apples are great, i like apples. >> stephen: i just learned something about you when you said orange. >> i have a tangerine or an orange trk wouldn't be one thing, i probably would do a-- i mix, i...
324
324
Jan 13, 2012
01/12
by
COM
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eye 324
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stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome my friends. if i'm not mistaken, you sound like an angel chir calling me to destiny. you know me, i try to keep a low profile. ask anybody who subscribes to the stephen colbert 24/7 low profile web cam. (laughter) for some reason the media is the-- recently it because of ppps recent presidential p- p-p-poll. jim? >> according to a recent poll five percent of south carolina primary voters would pick colbert more than would pick jon huntsman. >> colbert narrowly trails perry. >> stephen colbert is shooting up to 5%. >> colbert is ahead of jon huntsman. >> i was reading that stephen colbert would do better in south carolina than jon huntsman. >> steen: yes, i am officially beating jon huntsman in south carolina. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you creche. -- very much. proving what i have always said, if voters want a different version of mitt romney, they can
stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome my friends. if i'm not mistaken, you sound like an angel chir calling me to destiny. you know me, i try to keep a low profile. ask anybody who subscribes to the stephen colbert 24/7 low profile web cam. (laughter) for some reason the media is the-- recently it because of ppps recent...
166
166
May 27, 2016
05/16
by
WUSA
tv
eye 166
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. >> stephen: wow. yeah. >> stephen: your street cred just went back up. >> i know. >> stephen: name your next cat david copperfield. >> oh, my god. david blaine. >> stephen: no, he's great. he holds his breath. we have a clip of you doing a natural magic trick. this is not tv magic. this is actual magic you did. >> this is not c.g.i. this is a legit thing. >> stephen: this is jesse isenberg's character? >> yes. >> stephen: jim? oh, hi. who are you. at are you doing. this is a funny story. how did you get in? it's funny, ha ha. you might not think so. it's all relative. no. i'm in the neighborhood and now i'm re >> okay. seriously, how did you get in here. are you some kind of crazed fan or something? >> oh, my god, no, no, no. i recognize you. you did that b grade geek magic thing. >> pulled the hat out of the rabbitt. (applause) >> stephen: i guess i can't ask how that works. >> i think i can tell you a little bit. you have the to build this rig in the couch, so i had to, like, squish my body into the
. >> stephen: wow. yeah. >> stephen: your street cred just went back up. >> i know. >> stephen: name your next cat david copperfield. >> oh, my god. david blaine. >> stephen: no, he's great. he holds his breath. we have a clip of you doing a natural magic trick. this is not tv magic. this is actual magic you did. >> this is not c.g.i. this is a legit thing. >> stephen: this is jesse isenberg's character? >> yes. >> stephen: jim? oh,...
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238
Sep 25, 2014
09/14
by
COM
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eye 238
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stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report! good to have you with us! good to have you! (cheers and applause) ladies and gentlemen, please, sit down. folks, folks, let me say colbert nation, on this night, i found the shofar to herald the arrival of rosh hashanah, the jewish new year, may 5775 be a year of happiness. (laughter) i still got it. (laughter) nine years later it still tastes just as rammy as ever. nice thing about a dead ram horn, it only-- it only gets dead ramier. and folks, i'm already enjoying the traditional rosh hashanah treat known among the jewish people and i hope i'm pronouncing this correctly, apples and chhoney. it expresses our hope for a sweet new year. and rosh hashanah-- rosh hashanah is just the beginning of the jewish high holiday fun. from now until yom kippur marks the time of solemn reflection and atonement known as the days of repentance, not to be confused with the upcoming blockbuste
stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report! good to have you with us! good to have you! (cheers and applause) ladies and gentlemen, please, sit down. folks, folks, let me say colbert nation, on this night, i found the shofar to herald the arrival of rosh hashanah, the jewish new year, may 5775 be a year of happiness. (laughter) i still got it....
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38
Jan 29, 2016
01/16
by
WFOR
tv
eye 38
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. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: hey, welcome to the late show. thank you so much. up there, down there, over there. everybody up there. thank you. thank you very much. thank you, welcome to the late show. welcome to the late show. oh, such excitement, thank you so much. thank you in here, out there, america, out-therica. you know, i do the show every night. i get the pleasure-- i meet a lot of celebrities. and i think people think being a celebrity is a 24 hour party, a fast pass into the bus lane to easy town. but i meet these people and i know, and these guys know, being a celebrity they have problems too. for instance, and this is an absolutely true story. the sundance film festival is and bradley cooper, you guys who know bradley cooper ises, you love him, amazing. he does not have a movie in the festival this year. but it turns out-- no, no, it gets better. it turns out there is some guy who has been going around the festival getting too parties pretending he's bradley cooper. (laughter) now i have
. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: hey, welcome to the late show. thank you so much. up there, down there, over there. everybody up there. thank you. thank you very much. thank you, welcome to the late show. welcome to the late show. oh, such excitement, thank you so much. thank you in here, out there, america, out-therica. you know, i do the show every night. i get the pleasure-- i meet a lot of celebrities. and i think...
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39
Oct 18, 2016
10/16
by
KPHO
tv
eye 39
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. >> stephen: all right. this is going to go very well. >> are you-- >> stephen: okay. >> --intending to-- help me sharpen my skills-- when i go in for an interview? is that-- your intention here? >> stephen: it's what i do for a >> stephen: we're here to find out what you're gonna do for a living, okay? >> all right. let's try it out. >> stephen: 55. tough time to start over for a man. okay. i have a copy of your resume here. why don't you hand it to me as if you were applying for a job. go ahead and do it. that's good. you're a natural. ok. hello, mr. o'balmer. am i pronouncing that correctly? >> close enough. >> stephen: okay. let's see, papapapapa i don't see any promotions for the last eight years. that's not always good. can you explain that? >> honestly, there wasn't a lot of room for advancement in my last job. powerful position was my wife. >> stephen: oh okay. ah, good. uh-huh. is it a twofer? can we get both of you, by any chance? >> doubtful. >> stephen: okay. so tell me why you're leaving. you sa
. >> stephen: all right. this is going to go very well. >> are you-- >> stephen: okay. >> --intending to-- help me sharpen my skills-- when i go in for an interview? is that-- your intention here? >> stephen: it's what i do for a >> stephen: we're here to find out what you're gonna do for a living, okay? >> all right. let's try it out. >> stephen: 55. tough time to start over for a man. okay. i have a copy of your resume here. why don't you hand...
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191
Feb 16, 2017
02/17
by
KPIX
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eye 191
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. >> stephen: and vastly hard. >> yeah, yeah. >> stephen: thank you for trying. >> and you, too. >> stephen: lovely to see you. >> appreciate it. >> the book is "lincoln in the bardo." the man is george saunders. everybody. we'll be be right back. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ the hydrogen fueled mirai. its only emission is water. toyota. let's go places. >> stephen: that's it for "the late show, everybody." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be sally field, maggie siff and musical guest, lady antebellum. now stick around for james corden and his guests zach galifianakis, lena dunham, and laura dern. good night, everybody. captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where you come from it's gonna be all right ♪ it's the late, late show ♪ ladies and gentlemen. ♪ all the
. >> stephen: and vastly hard. >> yeah, yeah. >> stephen: thank you for trying. >> and you, too. >> stephen: lovely to see you. >> appreciate it. >> the book is "lincoln in the bardo." the man is george saunders. everybody. we'll be be right back. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ the hydrogen fueled mirai. its only emission is water. toyota. let's go places. >> stephen: that's it for "the late show, everybody." tune...
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176
Dec 27, 2016
12/16
by
KPIX
tv
eye 176
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. >> stephen: really? no stephens. >> no? >> stephen: no stephens. i grew up with no stephens. it was out of favor. >> i went to school with stephen collins, who was a bully. ( laughter ) sorry, stephen collins. >> stephen: i apologize on behalf of all stephens, i guess. i'm sorry about that. now, this is your second child. do you care-- ? >> as much? >> stephen: you worry less! ( laughter ) you worry less. i'm sure you care! >> do you care as much about this kid? >> stephen: yeah, whatever. do you worry as much? >> i feel i'm more relaxed. you have two, so. >> stephen: i have three, actually. >> you have three! >> stephen: oh, the third is like free-range. >> forget it! that one's raising itself, yeah. >> stephen: just throw some food on the floor, it's like a cat. put some water down, make sure the water's fresh. everything's fine. but you do worry less? >> well, i think you do, in that you're more relaxed, so the kid's quite zenned out. violet's like-- like, she's so relaxed, because i'm relaxed, i guess. >> stephen: oh, that's pleasant. relaxed mommy makes everybody happy.
. >> stephen: really? no stephens. >> no? >> stephen: no stephens. i grew up with no stephens. it was out of favor. >> i went to school with stephen collins, who was a bully. ( laughter ) sorry, stephen collins. >> stephen: i apologize on behalf of all stephens, i guess. i'm sorry about that. now, this is your second child. do you care-- ? >> as much? >> stephen: you worry less! ( laughter ) you worry less. i'm sure you care! >> do you care as...
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50
Oct 28, 2015
10/15
by
WBZ
tv
eye 50
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stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! ( cheers and applause ) i was talking about jon, but all right. then i'll be sitting down with author and tv man anthony bourdain. ( cheers and applause ) he's fun. he's fun. he's grouchy, but fun. on his show, "parts unknown," he travels to faraway places to eat exotic delicacies, and i watch his show on my couch, eating fudge. ( laughter ) we're also going to enjoy the company of musician and actress carrie brownstein. ( cheers and applause ) that's right. i'll join in. she stars in the tv show "portlandia," so i assume she got here on a bicycle made out of recycled tubas. ( laughter ) ( band playing ) oh, you hear that? that is jon batiste and stay human. say hi, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) jon, i can tell by looking at her that you've got some special guest with the band tonight. please introduce us. >> jon: welcome, lianne le havas. >> stephen: you look lovely. you look absolutely lovely tonight. thank you so much for being here. she's going to sing a little bit later for
stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! ( cheers and applause ) i was talking about jon, but all right. then i'll be sitting down with author and tv man anthony bourdain. ( cheers and applause ) he's fun. he's fun. he's grouchy, but fun. on his show, "parts unknown," he travels to faraway places to eat exotic delicacies, and i watch his show on my couch, eating fudge. ( laughter ) we're also going to enjoy the company of musician and actress carrie brownstein. ( cheers and...
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105
Dec 11, 2015
12/15
by
KCCI
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eye 105
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thank you, jon. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! lz that's-- . >> stephen: that's nice, thank you, everybody, thank you so much. beautiful to hear. i like it. thank you, everybody. that's so nice. thanks, everybody, thanks. whooo! (cheers and applause) thank you. welcome-- welcome to the late i'm stephen colbert. how is everybody doing tonight? doing all right? i'm so glad, that is wonderful, because i'm feeling great tonight. because for once i have good news. and here it is. donald trump was attacked by a bald eagle. (cheers and applause) lz it was during a photo shoot for time magazine back in august. but time just released the footage. take a look at it. look at that! that eagle-- that eagle thinks that donald's hair is like a blond rabbit or something. and donald is getting out of there faster than a muslim tenant in trump tower. (cheers and applause) story has rocketed around the globe. i believe we have some footage of people reacting to seeing this video for the first time. (cheers and applause) now, even the animals are hap
thank you, jon. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! lz that's-- . >> stephen: that's nice, thank you, everybody, thank you so much. beautiful to hear. i like it. thank you, everybody. that's so nice. thanks, everybody, thanks. whooo! (cheers and applause) thank you. welcome-- welcome to the late i'm stephen colbert. how is everybody doing tonight? doing all right? i'm so glad, that is wonderful, because i'm feeling great tonight....
901
901
Oct 31, 2012
10/12
by
COM
tv
eye 901
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thank you so much for joining us. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. (cheers and applause) thank you, thank you so much. thank you. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. that fervent chanting of my name will hold me over until i can get home and chant it into a mirror. (laughter) nation, we are a mere 12 days away from the election. and it is my solemn obligation as a newsman to bring you the most cutting edge, baseless decimations of who is going to win. now this much we know, folks. the election could be swung by one key voting bloc. >> women! >> stephen: yes! it's the ladies! who are they going to vote for? well, according to a new report on cnn.com, women vote based on their oflation cycle. (laughter) the study says that when single women are ovulatting they feel sexier and therefore lean more toward liberal attitudes on abortion and marriage equality. which is why instead of e-mails, obama is just sending late night texts that say "you up? folks. -- (applause) that makes him the co
thank you so much for joining us. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. (cheers and applause) thank you, thank you so much. thank you. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. that fervent chanting of my name will hold me over until i can get home and chant it into a mirror. (laughter) nation, we are a mere 12 days away from the election. and it is my solemn obligation as a newsman to bring you the...
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266
Jun 16, 2018
06/18
by
KPIX
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eye 266
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. >> stephen: stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: good to see you, jon. >> audience: stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much. ( cheers ) what lovely people. please, have a seat. you're too kind. that's a friday audience right there, my friend. >> jon: a friday crowd right there. >> stephen: they're on fire. gasoline-- somebody light a match. ladies and gentlemen welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) as i said-- friday. it's only on a friday. as i said it is friday. it is the end of a rough week. but don't worry, if you're demoralized by this white house, you're not alone. so is the white house. ( laughter ) according to "the new york times," "burned-out aides are eyeing the exits, as the mood in the white house is one of numbness and resignation." you think it's better out here? ( laughter ) "numbness" and "resignation" are my two favorite mixers. ( cheers and applause ) mmmm. mmmm. oooh. gotta say, the numbness really makes that go down smooth. ( laughter ) tons of people at the white house are ready to
. >> stephen: stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: good to see you, jon. >> audience: stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much. ( cheers ) what lovely people. please, have a seat. you're too kind. that's a friday audience right there, my friend. >> jon: a friday crowd right there. >> stephen: they're on fire. gasoline-- somebody light a match. ladies and gentlemen welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen...
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84
Sep 19, 2017
09/17
by
WUSA
tv
eye 84
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hi, i'm stephen colbert. tonight i'm celebrating my second anniversary here at "the late show." folks, it's been such an honor and a joy to spend these last two years interviewing amazing guests, hearing fantastic music and finding comedic justifications to eat cake frosting straight from the container. mmm, mm-mmm! i will think of one eventually. again, i'm still in los angeles right now, so i taped all of this a week ago in new york. want some proof? this is last friday's newspaper. how could newspaper from the past if i wasn't there right now? and tonight, i'm taking a look back at some of my favorite moments from my first two years here at the shoavment i can't wait to see how much hope i had in my eyes before election day. a lot of the show happens right here. boy, if this desk could talk, it would probably say, stephen sits here and talks to celebrities over me. it's a desk. it's kind of boring. that's why i don't interview the desk. jim? this is the first thing. even oprah can make this sound exciting.
( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hi, i'm stephen colbert. tonight i'm celebrating my second anniversary here at "the late show." folks, it's been such an honor and a joy to spend these last two years interviewing amazing guests, hearing fantastic music and finding comedic justifications to eat cake frosting straight from the container. mmm, mm-mmm! i will think of one eventually. again, i'm still in los angeles right now, so i taped all of this a week ago in new york. want...
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45
Dec 8, 2015
12/15
by
WCBS
tv
eye 45
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hello. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much. thanks, everybody. welcome to the late show! thanks so much! (cheers and applause) welcome, everybody. thanks for being here. welcome to the late show. today is the second night of hanukkah. and on behalf of everyone who is not jewish, and i believe i can speak for everyone, i just want to say to our jewish friends, we have no idea when hanukkah is. (laughter) i don't mean to be ignorant, but you got to admit you just keep moving it every year. all we're asking for is like an evite or a save the date card. we know it's a bunch of days and around now. just take one day for it to start every year. i promise, we won't check your math. (laughter) anyway, happy hannah kavment and i hope you all had a good weekend. i did-- (cheers and applause). >> stephen: very nice. i was in washington d.c. last night hosting the kennedy center honors. this year-- yeah, pretty nice, yeah. (cheers and applause) this year we kennedy center honored carole king, resulta more eno, seigi ozawa, cicely a fantast
hello. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much. thanks, everybody. welcome to the late show! thanks so much! (cheers and applause) welcome, everybody. thanks for being here. welcome to the late show. today is the second night of hanukkah. and on behalf of everyone who is not jewish, and i believe i can speak for everyone, i just want to say to our jewish friends, we have no idea when hanukkah is. (laughter) i don't mean to be...
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64
Sep 14, 2016
09/16
by
WBZ
tv
eye 64
favorite 0
quote 7
no, stephen. i'm just displaying total transparency. ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) thank you! hello! thank you! now, if you excuse me, i think i hear my childhood dog barking, so i'm just going to go towards that light. >> stephen: no, no, no! >> thank you! >> stephen: can i get you a glass of water? >> no, thanks. never touch the stuff. >> stephen: cartoon hillary clinton, everyone! >> good-bye! thank you! thank you! (coughs) >> stephen: we'll be right back with joseph gordon-levitt. ( bamd playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my first guest tonight is an actor, a film maker, and star of the new movie, "snowden." to keep your infrastructure up and running securely. the average test time is five hours. if you take more than eight, you will fail. >> i'm done, sir. >> you don't have to tell me when you have completed a stage. >> no, i finished the whole thing. >> it's been 40 minutes. >> 38. >> what? >> 38 minutes. >> stephen: please welcome joseph gordon-lev
no, stephen. i'm just displaying total transparency. ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) thank you! hello! thank you! now, if you excuse me, i think i hear my childhood dog barking, so i'm just going to go towards that light. >> stephen: no, no, no! >> thank you! >> stephen: can i get you a glass of water? >> no, thanks. never touch the stuff. >> stephen: cartoon hillary clinton, everyone! >> good-bye! thank you! thank you! (coughs) >> stephen: we'll...
72
72
Sep 14, 2016
09/16
by
KGAN
tv
eye 72
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quote 2
no, stephen. i'm just displaying total transparency. ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) thank you! hello! thank you! now, if you excuse me, i think i hear my childhood dog barking, so i'm just going to go towards that light. >> stephen: no, no, no! >> thank you! thank you! >> stephen: can i get you a glass of water? >> no, thanks. never touch the stuff. >> stephen: cartoon hillary clinton, everyone! >> good-bye! thank you! thank you! (coughs) >> stephen: we'll be right back with joseph gordon-levitt. ? ? ? we asked u.s. cellular customers w us all the beautiful places they get coverage with our strong signal. you posted from the seashore. you shared from your hike. you showed us this sunset. you posted from the farm. and you adventured way out there... a lot of amazing places. ?? u.s. cellular put towers where the other guys don't. so join our network, and start sharing your moments ( bamd playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my first guest tonight is an actor,
no, stephen. i'm just displaying total transparency. ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) thank you! hello! thank you! now, if you excuse me, i think i hear my childhood dog barking, so i'm just going to go towards that light. >> stephen: no, no, no! >> thank you! thank you! >> stephen: can i get you a glass of water? >> no, thanks. never touch the stuff. >> stephen: cartoon hillary clinton, everyone! >> good-bye! thank you! thank you! (coughs) >>...
341
341
Oct 4, 2016
10/16
by
KPIX
tv
eye 341
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i'm stephen colbert. i'd like to start tonight by wishing my jewish viewers a happy new year, because today is rosh hashanah. traditionally, the jewish community welcomes the new year by blowing the shofar. or ram's horn, right here. jon lampley, can i get a "g"? ( blows shofar ) ( cheers and applause ) that's jazz, baby. ever smell a dead ram? give that a little whiff right there. >> jon: yo i'll pass the next time. >> stephen: oh, my goodness, haven't the jewish people suffered enough? oh, my goodness. that's about as dead as a ram can get right there. on the jewish calendar, this is the first day of the year 5,777. and you know what that means -- it's time for my new sexy rabbis calendar. whoa! well, yeah! ( applause ) all i can say is shana tovah. i wouldn't mind letting him dip my apples in honey. ( laughter ) oh, oh -- i'm so glad "beefcake" is kosher! oh, oh, here eis, holding a loaf of hala. oh, that's too spicey. oh, there we go. oh, that's a little too spicey, too. oh, there we go. shofar, sho,
i'm stephen colbert. i'd like to start tonight by wishing my jewish viewers a happy new year, because today is rosh hashanah. traditionally, the jewish community welcomes the new year by blowing the shofar. or ram's horn, right here. jon lampley, can i get a "g"? ( blows shofar ) ( cheers and applause ) that's jazz, baby. ever smell a dead ram? give that a little whiff right there. >> jon: yo i'll pass the next time. >> stephen: oh, my goodness, haven't the jewish people...
476
476
Mar 22, 2016
03/16
by
WTSP
tv
eye 476
favorite 0
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>> jon: stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> stephen: hey! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to "the late show." ) thanks, everybody. please! welcome to "the late show." hello, jon! i am your host, stephen colbert. what a beautiful crowd we have here tonight. aren't you lovely people? and we've got some very special audience members tonight. united states coast guard reserve, everybody. applause thank you so much for being here. ladies and gentlemen of the coast guard. thank you for dressing up in your dress blues. you look lovely. today is the 75th anniversary of the coast guard reserve, and i'm glad they're here so no one can smuggle drugs in a speedboat through my front row. thank you for your service. thank you for guarding our coasts. so is everybody excited for the weekend? everybody excited? ( cheers and applause ) i am. i am completely pumped because tomorrow is the democratic primary in nevada, and the big question in vegas is, "will luck be a l
>> jon: stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> stephen: hey! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to "the late show." ) thanks, everybody. please! welcome to "the late show." hello, jon! i am your host, stephen colbert. what a beautiful crowd we have here tonight. aren't you lovely people? and we've got some very special audience members tonight. united states coast guard reserve, everybody....
128
128
Sep 12, 2017
09/17
by
KPIX
tv
eye 128
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>> stephen: no. we sent some people down, and you sent people down there. >> because we're both attracted to things that are objectively ridiculous. ( laughter ) >> stephen: exactly! and jon stewart was too. he also sent somebody down there because what do you want? >> you want a wax president. >> stephen: you want a wax president. or a wax first lady which, if you remember, they had the wax first ladies for only two-thirds the height. >> like an editorial cartoon. >> stephen: exactly! as if back in the 18th century there was no calcium. ( laughter ) >> that's right. >> stephen: osteoperosis was terrible back then. >> representing how women would eventually be paid. ( audience reacts ) >> stephen: that's commentary, not endorsement from him. he's a satirist. >> i can't be the bad guy there! it wasn't a suggestion, it was a criticism! ( laughter ) >> stephen: here's the thing, we bought zachary taylor, that's who we bid on, and you got warren g. harding, right? >> well, we got five presidents of which
>> stephen: no. we sent some people down, and you sent people down there. >> because we're both attracted to things that are objectively ridiculous. ( laughter ) >> stephen: exactly! and jon stewart was too. he also sent somebody down there because what do you want? >> you want a wax president. >> stephen: you want a wax president. or a wax first lady which, if you remember, they had the wax first ladies for only two-thirds the height. >> like an editorial...
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98
Jan 23, 2016
01/16
by
WCBS
tv
eye 98
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stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much. thank you so much. please! stephen! stephen stephen! >> stephen: welcome to "the late show,"" everybody. welcome to cbs' "the late show" with, starring stephen colbert." i am stephen colbert. thank you for watching tonight. it means so much that you decided to spend your last few hours alive with me because as we speak a massive winter storm is bearing down on the east coast and it is threatening full city shutdowns, deadly commutes, and an 80% chance of attack by white walkers. it's coming. everyone is predicting a monster storm-- so hold your loved ones close, because you may need to cut them open and crawl inside for warmth. ( laughter ) if they love you, they'll be and there's a terrifying name for the storm-- winter storm jonas. so it's going to hit with the reckless intensity of a child star going through puberty. ( laughter ) >> jon: hey, hey. it is. >> stephen: it's super cute at the same time. listen, you still have time to prepare. i'm going to give you a few tips, okay. first tip, stock up on essentials. at t
stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much. thank you so much. please! stephen! stephen stephen! >> stephen: welcome to "the late show,"" everybody. welcome to cbs' "the late show" with, starring stephen colbert." i am stephen colbert. thank you for watching tonight. it means so much that you decided to spend your last few hours alive with me because as we speak a massive winter storm is bearing down on the east coast and it is...
50
50
Nov 23, 2016
11/16
by
KLAS
tv
eye 50
favorite 0
quote 0
stephen: why. i don't ask nu role playing, maybe? you be the pilgrim, i'll be the turkey, go get the baster? do you know the secret handshake? >> i don't. >> stephen: come at me like this and our thumbs hook from >> got it. >> stephen: what's the phone manner like? hi, this is steve. can i take -- >> yes, yes. >> stephen: how about, we canal to the butterball hotline. >> no, first one. thank you. when you're done talk and you've made them happy and goodbye you may want to say happy thanksgiving. >> stephen: should i give them happy at the begin org the end of the phone call? >> all the way through. when you're done, see the black button? that's going to get released and you will get another call. >> stephen: the release is right there. >> right. >> stephen: after the happy ending, i hit the black button for the call release. >> that's right. >> stephen: thank you. ( laughter ) great, thank you, carol. thank you very much. >> thanks. good luck. >> stephen: all right. butterball hotline, let's butter
stephen: why. i don't ask nu role playing, maybe? you be the pilgrim, i'll be the turkey, go get the baster? do you know the secret handshake? >> i don't. >> stephen: come at me like this and our thumbs hook from >> got it. >> stephen: what's the phone manner like? hi, this is steve. can i take -- >> yes, yes. >> stephen: how about, we canal to the butterball hotline. >> no, first one. thank you. when you're done talk and you've made them happy and...
125
125
Jul 13, 2017
07/17
by
WUSA
tv
eye 125
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stephen colbert. tonight, we welcome john mike ber big leah, and michael showalter featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now live from the ed sullivan in new york city it is stephen colbert. (cheers and applause). >> stephen: hi, how are you? what's going on, chris, please v a seat, please have a seat, everybody. welcome. oh, ladies and gentlemen. (cheers and applause). >> stephen: oh ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the late show, i'm your host, stephen colbert. let me ask y question. everybody feeling good? (cheers and applause). >> stephen: well, clearly, clearly you do not work in the white house. because it is wednesday, and you know what they call that at the white house, we are so humped day. let me explain to you why. let me remind you, recap the last couple of days. you know the whole trump campaign colluded with russia to influence or election and the didn't happen, don't know what you're talking about. well, turns out it did, and they do. because yesterday donald trump, jr. released ema
stephen colbert. tonight, we welcome john mike ber big leah, and michael showalter featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now live from the ed sullivan in new york city it is stephen colbert. (cheers and applause). >> stephen: hi, how are you? what's going on, chris, please v a seat, please have a seat, everybody. welcome. oh, ladies and gentlemen. (cheers and applause). >> stephen: oh ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the late show, i'm your host, stephen colbert. let me ask y...
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224
Apr 1, 2016
04/16
by
KPIX
tv
eye 224
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. >> stephen: and you play kosima. >> yes. >> stephen: and many, many more on the show. >> yes. >> stephen: where did you get -- obviously, this is what actresses do, but you also have an amazing gifort for accents -- gift for accents. >> i don't know if i do, but i love them. >> stephen: you clearly do. i enjoy them. my mom speaks fluent german, french and spanish. >> stephen: do you speak german? (speaking german) >> stephen: okay. i'm all done. (laughter) >> stop it there. >> stephen: i think i'm done with that one. german is a lovely language. do you have a favorite german word? >> it's horrific. it's -- (saying german word) -- which is a beautiful compound word which means a face that begs to be punched. (applause) >> stephen: that's one word? it's a compound word which means -- it's like punch and face. >> stephen: and is it frequently used? >> i guess frequently enough that it came up in conversation. i mean, it comes up. >> stephen: not with you, i hope. >> no. >> stephen: if i looked it up on the internet, i would find it? >> you definitely would, apparently with a lot of photos o
. >> stephen: and you play kosima. >> yes. >> stephen: and many, many more on the show. >> yes. >> stephen: where did you get -- obviously, this is what actresses do, but you also have an amazing gifort for accents -- gift for accents. >> i don't know if i do, but i love them. >> stephen: you clearly do. i enjoy them. my mom speaks fluent german, french and spanish. >> stephen: do you speak german? (speaking german) >> stephen: okay. i'm all...
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84
Jan 5, 2016
01/16
by
WLTX
tv
eye 84
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(audience chanting stephen) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome, everybody! welcome to the show and welcome to 2016. (cheers and applause) or if you're in australia, 2017. (laughter) i think they're a little bit ahead. it's great to be back after two weeks off. i feel completely rejuvenated. although there is one downside: i have to wear pants again. it just feels so unnatural! my dogs gotta breathe! (laughter) hope everyone had a great new year's eve. did you have a good time over the holidays? (cheers and applause) yep, good time. i had a spectacular new year's eve. the ed sullivan theater is in the heart of times square. we have a direct view of the ball drop from our roof. (laughter) got out of here. and no one does new year's eve like the czechs. they're not big on rules over there. they let you slide on little things, like drinking on the street or firing explosives at each other. let me show you what i mean. here are people in the old town square, shooting fireworks directly up at people waving from the top of the clock tower. and you will note they're
(audience chanting stephen) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome, everybody! welcome to the show and welcome to 2016. (cheers and applause) or if you're in australia, 2017. (laughter) i think they're a little bit ahead. it's great to be back after two weeks off. i feel completely rejuvenated. although there is one downside: i have to wear pants again. it just feels so unnatural! my dogs gotta breathe! (laughter) hope everyone had a great new year's eve. did you have a good time over...
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Feb 12, 2016
02/16
by
KMEG
tv
eye 164
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>> stephen: welcome back. for over 20 years, my first guest played one of television's most endearing characters, dr. frasier craine. now you can see him in a limited engagement on broadway in the musical "finding neverland". >> stephen: please welcome kelsey grammer. (cheers and applause) there, "finding neverland." you play hook himself, another high-status character. >> recognizable. >> stephen: but also he's the captain. >> he is the captain. in this case, he's actually the alter ego of james barry who's having writer's block and he says you can either fight and write the story you want to write or you can just disappear. so he's really sort of the artist's consciousness in this play. >> stephen: you think actors themselves are a peter pan in a way? >> oh, yeah, sure. >> stephen: performers don't want to grow up. >> i don't think you should grow up. as an actor, you have to have a child, like, way of going about the work. it has to be on an innocent level to do it well. >> stephen: how long will you be pla
>> stephen: welcome back. for over 20 years, my first guest played one of television's most endearing characters, dr. frasier craine. now you can see him in a limited engagement on broadway in the musical "finding neverland". >> stephen: please welcome kelsey grammer. (cheers and applause) there, "finding neverland." you play hook himself, another high-status character. >> recognizable. >> stephen: but also he's the captain. >> he is the...
125
125
Oct 17, 2015
10/15
by
KMEG
tv
eye 125
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>> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thanks, everybody. please, thanks so much. welcome to "the late show"." i'm your host, stephen colbert. at least, tonight i am. this is our last show before we take a week off, and, for privacy reasons, i travel unr an assumed name. here with you, i'm stephen colbert, television host. next week on vacation, i'll be copernicus digby, cobbler detective. "thank god you're here, digby. this man was beaten to death with a shoe." "t'wasn't a shoe, detective sergeant. t'was a bootot ( laughter ) "my god, how you can tell, digly?" "those lacerations on his forehead are clearly from a knurled heel cap, and that contusion on his trachea has to be from the toe box and outsole welt of a beaded vamp." "can you find the killer, dig bee?" "yes, sergeant detective. simply round up everyone in london who wears a size 9 and a half. you'll have your man. ( cheers and applause ) that's going to take the place of "downton abbey" next year. so that's next week for me, bu
>> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thanks, everybody. please, thanks so much. welcome to "the late show"." i'm your host, stephen colbert. at least, tonight i am. this is our last show before we take a week off, and, for privacy reasons, i travel unr an assumed name. here with you, i'm stephen colbert, television host. next week on vacation, i'll be copernicus digby, cobbler detective. "thank god you're...